Many times throughout my childhood in care I felt despair. I tried to work out myself why it was me chosen for this trauma, what had I done to deserve it? Further, what could I do to change it and make a happy life for my brothers and Mum and dad. I hated myself but didn’t want anyone to see this as I was always so worried that if I started sharing how I felt I would accidentally let secrets out. I knew I could not bear the shame of people knowing so I learnt to put a smile on and only grieve in private. Even worse would be the professionals who you just know don’t like you finding out and my fear that they would expose me to the other kids in the homes!
My absolute saviour throughout this difficult time were the many caring and kind staff and social workers who saw something good in me. I loved spending time with them, and am so grateful to still have so many of those people still in my life. Looking back, the compassion and kindness that I received by so many professionals got me through the dark days. Finally, my absolute focus on getting an education. Which as you all know is so so hard in care!, gave me a future which continues to this day with me finally at age 41 being at uni!